England are playing tonight. Here’s a list of people who care:
- The FA. Because they’re the FA and Wembley was expensive.
- Journalists who think you actually give a shit. The same ones who thought you liked Harry Redknapp.
- Journalists who know you don’t give a shit but need to write about something so pretend you do.
- Companies wanting to sell stuff into your eyes before and between the football. They make shit adverts and sponsored idents including idiots who paint their faces.
- Idiots who paint their faces.
- Utter utter wankers who take brass instruments to matches.
- Millwall and Leeds United supporters.
- The Sun newspaper and its readership. “Get involved” - no, fuck you.
- Adrian fucking Chiles.
You don’t want to be any of these people. Thankfully you aren’t. You only really care in so far as you don’t want any players from your club getting injured.
But like me you’ll watch. Because it’s on and it’s football. It’s our fault really. Let’s everyone just be Africa again. No more fucking international breaks.